Sometimes speedy sex can spice things up in the bedroom.
Forget everything you’ve heard about quickies being a pale imitation of “real” sex. Research shows that sex in any quantity or duration is healthy for your sex life and your sex drive. Most people tend to think of quickies as a substitute for passionate, romantic lovemaking. Many sex therapists, however, disagree with this view and encourage couples to incorporate quickies into their sex lives. Not as the mainstay of one’s sex life, but certainly as added variety, because there are some definite benefits to even a speedy encounter.
Couples today list lack of desire, time, fatigue, pressure and stress as five of the biggest obstacles to a fulfilling sex life. They don’t have romantic weekend getaways every month, don’t come home to candle-lit bedrooms with rose petals scattered over the bed, and don’t have screaming orgasms as they make love for the fourth time that night.
Sometimes it’s a bit like this: “Do you want to?”, “Well, I suppose so”, followed by a half-hearted effort, before rolling over for much-needed sleep. This type of scenario calls for a “quickie fix”, and fast. Quickies work in part because sexual activity helps couples feel connected. Couples who feel sexually connected are more likely to get along outside the bedroom.
They communicate more effectively, feel more energized, are more affectionate and argue less. Lack of desire is still the leading sexual problem among women. Studies in the US have shown a direct link between engaging in sex and sexual desire. Sexual intercourse raises hormone levels in both men and women, which increases the brain chemicals associated with desire. The more often you have sex, the stronger your desire for sex becomes.
Quickies are also excellent for reintroducing passion into a sex life that has been long neglected. Many couples have a hard time prioritizing sex. By the time they get to sex, after everything else on their must-do lists, they can feel too tired or stressed to bother. Couples also feel pressure to make each session a long, passionate and intimate encounter, with incredible orgasms for both, preferably at the same time.
Sex therapists who advocate quickies certainly promote longer lovemaking filled with foreplay as a component of a healthy sex life, but they do encourage couples to be realistic. A few 10-minute quickies can do more for your sex drive than waiting for that fatigue-free, uninterrupted night to come along. The best of both worlds lies in the balance. Try a few quickies to help get to your end goal of a hot sex life with long lovemaking sessions. A fast approach could very well lead to more frequent sex, with fantastic foreplay and a lot more fun in the bedroom!
Need a quick fix?
For each statement, give yourself one point for “No” and two points for “Yes”
- I am too tired for sex.
- Sex is saved for nighttime.
- Generally I am too stressed for sex.
- My sex life lacks spontaneity.
- Sex outside the bedroom is unusual.
- Romance takes too much energy.
- I feel disconnected from my partner when we haven’t had sex in a week.
- I’d rather read a book than have sex.
- Sex requires too much scheduling to bother doing it more than twice a week.
- Sex is often done in a standard position.
- I have trouble relaxing.
- I don’t have time for a great sex life.
12-15 points: You place sex as a high priority and make time in your life for varied sexual expression. Quickies can be incorporated into your life, not as a remedy, but for the extra thrill.
16-19 points: There is room for improvement in your sex life. You may wish to work on your time management and relaxation techniques with the use of the occasional quickie.
20-24 points: Your sex life could definitely use a quick fix. Quickies will liberate you to have fun with sex again. Learn to arrange your priorities so your sex life doesn’t suffer.